Thoughts on Future

So much swirling in my head tonight I feel I just have to let some of it out. I'm just thinking about my future and career. I just got a very encouraging critique from a writer. I just imagine myself in another place and time. I wouldn't play sports and my focus would be on writing, reading, nerdy stuff like that. I think I would make a good nerd. I know I'm really smart but I struggle on how to use it everyday. I know I can come up with something brilliant in school but I'm too lazy. I struggle how to balance myself on reality and my mind. So many ideas and thoughts. Maybe that's what won't let me sleep, my brilliantness haha. I don't know if I want to be an engineer, when I grow up. I like math, but I don't know if I would like it enough to do everyday. I love reading and writing. I love to read anytime i can and I want to write. But I don't know how much I should focus on that because the sings point to the end of the world pretty soon. In another time and place. What could have been...I am coming to realize that writing as a side job, there won't be much time to write. What could have been...