"If anyone would come after me. He must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me, for whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. Mathew 16:24-25

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

09 Turkey, Tx Reflections

I had a lot of fun with friends at Turkey and I was really sad to once again say goodbye until next year. But even more important I learned and was reinvigorated about God. Multiple speakers spoke about addictions and it really spoke to my heart. The definition most people believe about addiction is just a small portion of what the definition is. Addiction for example could be addiction for cokes. Little things that we don’t really view as addictions. We hypothesized that God doesn’t judge addictions differently. He views “little” and “big” addictions the same. They are all sins. So we shouldn’t judge other people for their addictions. We shouldn’t be looking to criticize others about their addictions. Look in our own lives and I’m sure we can find multiple addictions if we really thought about it. Well anyways our main speaker was really enthusiastic and his message was powerful. He encouraged and strengthened my resolve to conquer all my addictions once and for all. We can’t do it alone (I know I’ve tried). We need God’s help if we ever are to succeed. That requires prayer, Bible reading, and asking him what his will is daily. If you fail again as I have so many times don’t be discouraged and give up. Don’t be ashamed and not talk to God. That would be the worst thing to do. Go to God in prayer and ask for forgiveness and for the strength to succeed in the future. But we can’t just rely on God to do it all. We can’t blame him when we fail. Who is making the decision? Whose fault is it really? God’s great gift to us is free will. We have to have the resolve to push through the hard times. The times when it is really a big temptation. When those times come upon us don’t be apathetic, do something about it. Fight back, go on the offensive! Get on your knees immediately, pray to God to deliver you. Ask for his guiding hand and for him to send Satan away. Another way to be on the offensive is to be wise in your actions. Don’t do something that you know will tempt you. Do things that are pleasing to the Lord. One area of our lives affects the others more than we could imagine. Be prepared for the Devil, don’t be delusional into thinking that once we ask God for strength then the temptation will magically disappear and we won’t be tempted anymore. Just remember that God cares for you. He loves you more than we can comprehend. He wants you to succeed! I pray for us all that we will fight off the demons that plague us and overcome our addictions. Once we do that our relationship with God will be greatly strengthened and will become much more unhindered. Thanks to all the speakers at Turkey for these thoughts I am echoing.

7/1/09 Prayer

God thank you for your tireless efforts to win our hearts you have exceeded with some I deemed impossible. Your wonders never cease to amaze. Please may my love to never fade for you God. Please help me be a light in the dark .Thank you for free reflective summer days. Please help me not to neglect you Lord. I need you so much; my life would be pointless without you. Only you know how black the world would be without you. Some try to claim that you’re not possible because of the blackness. But I know the truth that this world would be dark all over without you. Please help my writing to come from you God. Help me to write your ways, not mine. Amen!

Reflections on Genesis

The Devil was jealous from the beginning; he craved God's power and majesty. Noah must have been so awed by God's power during the flood; God must have seemed closer and more alive than ever at that moment. Imagine the solemn mood as everyone on the ark watched the floods cover everything they'd ever known. What a sense of fear God must have placed on their hearts The Devil was jealous from the beginning; he craved God's power and majesty. Noah must have been so awed by God's power during the flood; God must have seemed closer and more alive than ever at that moment. Imagine the solemn mood as everyone in the ark watched the floods cover everything they'd ever known. What a sense of fear God must have placed on their hearts and the desire to do good. I can only imagine.

Thoughts on Future

So much swirling in my head tonight I feel I just have to let some of it out. I'm just thinking about my future and career. I just got a very encouraging critique from a writer. I just imagine myself in another place and time. I wouldn't play sports and my focus would be on writing, reading, nerdy stuff like that. I think I would make a good nerd. I know I'm really smart but I struggle on how to use it everyday. I know I can come up with something brilliant in school but I'm too lazy. I struggle how to balance myself on reality and my mind. So many ideas and thoughts. Maybe that's what won't let me sleep, my brilliantness haha. I don't know if I want to be an engineer, when I grow up. I like math, but I don't know if I would like it enough to do everyday. I love reading and writing. I love to read anytime i can and I want to write. But I don't know how much I should focus on that because the sings point to the end of the world pretty soon. In another time and place. What could have been...I am coming to realize that writing as a side job, there won't be much time to write. What could have been...

Thanksgiving Prayer

Thank you so much for SE and the people in it for helping me come to the realization that, my problems are little compared to most teens. Thank you for giving me intelligence and a great family. Thank you for my sports skills and always loving and forgiving me. Thank you for My Dad's wisdom and understanding. Thank you for letting me go to Colorado. Thank you for helping me come to the realization that I need to spend more quiet time with you.

Wilderness Trek

Wilderness Trek really helped my relationship with God. But it's hard to keep that level of intimacy when you have a recurring sin and you won't stop. It hinders your developing relationship with God. It’s so hard but I know I just have buckle down, stop doing it. I have a secret fear, fear of going to college. Fear of when I have kids. Fear of being unprepared, inadequate, immature. I'm afraid that I'm not ready for all this Responsibility yet. I don't want it. I just want to live in my own little world of friends, basketball, reading and computer. I'm afraid of my time being taken up by responsibilities. I know it's all apart of growing up but growing up seems mundane, boring. Going to your job everyday that you probably don't like. Coming home, even then no time for yourself. I know God has some big plan for me when I grow up (as being a leader of some kind) and I welcome that. It's just all the things in between that I dread. I've read Rosenburg books about God coming soon, maybe even within my lifetime. I sort of look forward to that. I can't picture myself being old and dying normally (although I'm sure my thinking is not original. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I love Math but also English. I'm not sure I have the discipline and study skills to become an engineer like my Dad and I don't know if I'd enjoy it as much as being a Literature professor (or another English job.) I know for sure I want to write books. When I'm older, maybe when I retire. I know I'm selfish, I've always been selfish although I've gotten much better than when I was a little kid. I pray to God that he would help transform myself into a selfless person. I also want to read the Bible a lot more and make my relationship with Christ even better.