I'm not a hipster (my sin is the same as everyone else's)

No matter how much I grow in maturity, eloquence, affluence, knowledge, wisdom, etc. my son never grows any less ugly and base. My sin is not any different than anyone else's. It is not better or worse than another person's sin. Our sin makes us all the same. We all need a savior, we are all looking for a cure.

I was born with a stubborn, rebellious streak. I have always wanted to be different, fought against the current, against the norm. I have always been deeply suspicious of what is popular and accepted. I find satisfaction in doing the opposite of the majority. This is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that I think about things and do not fall easily under peer pressure. The bad thing about this is a struggle to accept people's sin nature and a sense of pride. The truth is that I am no different than anyone else and any belief to the contrary is a deception from the devil. I have the same weaknesses, temptations, failings as anyone else. Maybe it looks a little different and manifests itself in a unique way. But my sin is not better than anyone else's. Why should I have pride in the way I sin? I am humbled to realize my shortcomings. As Paul says, "I am the least of these." I humbly ask forgiveness of anyone who I have acted or appeared prideful to. I do not want to be above anyone else. I want to be loving to all and for others to feel welcome around me. I want to help others and not judge them just as I do not want to be judged.

Summit Personal Growth Notes

Three weeks ago I left my home to Summit Ministries and I had no idea what was in store for me. I plan to write another blog post talking about my time at Summit, what I learned, and how it changed me. For now I want to share with you just a few of the many notes I took during my time in Manitou Springs, CO. The lectures I sat in contained many different topics such as abortion, same sex marriage, different religions, creative, design, etc. For this post I would like to focus on personal discipleship and growth as well as resources at the end. I hope this is as beneficial to you as it is to me.

Personal Growth

• Set low goals and build on them
• What can you learn in 15 minutes? 30 minutes? 1 hour in a day?
• Read the opposition so you can be educated and prepared to defend
• Ponder your day at night

Set Goals: example          

• Establish/join a support group in ____ (hometown)
• Got involved with a ministry: _____
• Eat at least once a week with someone/talk about life/God/direction in life
• Less phone/TV/music                                      
• No tech zone: table, car, bedroom
• Practice virtue and sustain good habits: read biographies

Establish a morning/night routine                                                  

Prayer                          Day reflections

Bible reading/study    Prayer                                                                         

Non-fiction reading    Quiet time

Example         

Our worldview form our values

Our values form our actions

Our actions form who we are                                             

YOU CAN RULE OVER YOUR FANTASIES                             

5 ways to evaluate

1. What are your loves? What are you habitually intimate with? (What do you share yourself with?)
2. What are your longings? (Imagination aims you, Sets your trajectory) what do you habitually aim for?
3. Where are my loyalties? (Commitments, what takes your time?) Our loyalties are rarely for people, they are for things.
4. Where are my labors? (What do you work hard at in life?) 
5. What are my liturgies (rhythms created in life) culture litergizes us: shopping, internet, etc. watch your habits.
6. Ask parents to evaluate your answers.

You need a friend that will be brutally honest with you (faithful are the wounds of friends) Virtues train 1. Emotions 2. Habits 3. Chest (truth)

Cultivate our chests

• Know what is true and good (read good books)
• Practice what is good and true (if you want to be a good lifter, lift weights)
• Practice repentance 1. It’s a moral workout 2. Get right with God
• Create space for accountability – there’s no limit to human justification

Christian Calling

1. What good around me can be celebrated, protected and preserved?
2. What is missing around me that I can offer?
3. What evil around me must stop?
4. What is broken around me that I can restore?

What explains high performance: improvement, repetition, feedback, thoughtfulness, rigor

Mentoring Map

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seek Wise Counsel

• What made the difference for you?
• I’d like to hear the story of how you got into this vocational field
• What are the most important lessons you’ve learned along the way?
• If you had to do it over again, what would you do differently?
• Who are the key leaders in that field that I should be paying attention to?
• Who are some of the people who personally influenced you toward success?
• What are 5 books you have found helpful in this field?
• Are there any magazines or publications I need to be reading on a regular basis?
• What would you say are the essential principles for success in this field?
• Time and money aside, what would you rather be doing?
• What are your goals at the present time?
• How do you manage your time successfully?
• Have you ever coached anyone else to be successful in this field?
• What are some ways I could learn more about this field?
• What are some obstacles along the way that I need to be aware of?
• What questions have I not asked that I should be asking?

Web resources:

http://www.summit.org/

Jeff Myers blog: http://Www.summit.org/the-presidents-desk/

John stonestreet blog: http://Www.summit.org/blogs/the-point

College approval level: Thefire.org

Current events:

World magazine: www.worldmag.com

Human events: www.humanevents.org

Worldview/apologetics:

Stand to reason: http://www.str.org

Www.confidentchristianity.com

Christianthought.hbu.edu  

Www.korministries.com

Jamesryandobson.com  

Www.coldcasschristianity.com

Crossexamine.org

Defendingfreedom.org/university  

Www.breakpoint.orf

Abortion/traditional marriage:

Traditional marriage: Familyfacts.org

Www.prolifetraining.com

Www.cAsefotlife.com

Ministries/Christianity:

American vision: Www.americanvision.com

Biblical worldview: Www.christianworldview.net

Christian answers: Www.christiananswers.net

Christian apologetics & research ministry: Www.carm.org

Christian research institute: www.equip.org (888)700-0274

Prove ministries: www.probe.org (800)899-7762

Teton apologetics ministries: www.tektonics.org

Logic/fallacies:

Fallacy files: www.fallacyfiles.org

Logical fallacies: www.logicalfallacies.info

Www.yourlogicfallacyis.com

Movie review:

Movieguide.org  

Kids-in-mind.com

Dove.org

Web browsing:

Xxxchurch.com

Covenanteyes.com

Of course, I recommend those that went to Summit to continue to look at their notebooks, especially the end notes for key points, quotes, and resources.

What are you thinking?

This is one of the hardest questions I have ever been asked. Hard to believe, I know. Once you understand how a brain with ADD works maybe you will start to understand better.

Imagine you are looking through a foggy window at subway station. Subs race by with blinding speed. The subs have beautiful artwork painted on the sides. You strain to see the artwork but it is gone in a blur. Maybe a sub stops occasionally and you are a able to view the artwork a short time before it speeds away again. But even then the painting is so complex it is hard to understand. By the time you are beginning to understand and grasp the art it is gone again and you struggle to hold on to the essence of it. Then another sub whisks by with paintings on the side. Someone sees the struggle on your face. They ask you what is the matter? You tell them about the sub and artwork. They ask you to describe the art. It is nearly impossible and they don't understand. Perhaps it is so difficult to explain that you tell them that you just imagined the artwork and you really saw nothing at all.







That is what an ADD brain is like. Thoughts constantly flow through ADD people's brains but they are very hazy and hard to understand. Even when we try to focus on one (before we forget it and the next thought enters our mind) it is difficult to describe to others. The thought is like another language that only our brain understands. We struggle with the right translation to make sense of it to someone else. So when someone asks,

"What are you thinking?"

I think to myself:
Everything
Something
Nothing

Sometimes I go through the effort of trying to explain and sometimes I just use the cop-out of saying nothing. But that is actually rarely the truth. People with ADD rarely are thinking nothing. Even if nothing is in the forefront of their mind their sub-conscious is racing with thoughts. It just takes monumental effort to focus and explain these thoughts.

So what is the point of this post you may ask? Well there are a couple of reasons.

1. I want to get better at writing and translating my thoughts onto paper.
2. I want to continue to explain and sort out what ADD is for others understanding and my own so I may improve and better myself.
3. I believe I have something valuable to offer and I do not want to let the paintings of my mind race off before I forget them as I am apt to do.
4. I want to know your thoughts, experiences, opinion on the matter

Have you ever struggled to answer this question?
How does your brain work? How do you translate what's in your mind to paper or spoken word?
Does anyone think the way I do?

Any other comment related to this topic would be appreciated.

Ps: I have recently started taking a new ADD medicine that has so far been effective and lifted the fog off of my brain. I hope to continue posting more regularly God willing. I hope you enjoyed this post and learned something. I know it was therapeutic for myself.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Writing!

I just finished reading the book Divergent and watching a documentary at church on the life of CS Lewis (more on that in the future...maybe). My mind is ablaze in thought. Electricity pulses through my veins. I can no longer ignore this feeling inside. This urge in my soul is waiting to be fulfilled. I know now my destiny. I need to write. I was born to write. I know that now. The best way I can communicate and express emotion is through the written word. I have known this deep down but tonight was the clincher. I have often written and often become discouraged. I have left many a manuscript unfinished. I have left thoughts half-formed. I know that I need to stick with it. God gave me this gift and I need to use it for his Glory. My new goal is to better manage my time and write every day whether that be a blog post, story-writing, letter to God, poem, or other form of writing I just want to get my thoughts down. I want to become a better writer and develop my own writer’s voice. I want to someday publish a book, maybe a dozen books. Only God knows what’s in store. I just know that I need to use the gifts God has given me to bless others and manifest his glory. This gives me peace and resolution. May I carry it out henceforth!

Science vs. Faith

Science says that faith is folly but the simple truth is that everyone has faith. Faith that scientific results are unbiased. Faith in a higher power, in the Big Bang, in the news, media, in that the experts know what they're talking about and are not lying/exploiting the ignorant masses. I choose to put my faith in something greater than myself because I know I am fallen/imperfect but my God is not and he will guide me on the path of truth and wisdom. Wen I start to drift away from God I begin to put my faith in the things of this world. I have to remind myself every day to put my faith in god. So as you go about your day ask yourself: what do I place my faith in? I hope this helps.

Love and Time

I found this story online and really liked it. So I thought I would share it here

Once upon a time, in an island there lived six feelings and emotions: Happiness, Knowledge, Love, Sadness, Richness and Vanity. One day they discovered that the island began sinking! So all of them built boats and canoes and left, one by one. Except for Love. Love wanted to delay abandoning her beloved island as long as possible.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a boat. Love asked, "Richness, can you take me with you?"

Richness answered, "Sorry, Love, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat, so there is no place here for you. With both of us in here we will sink for sure."

Love next asked Vanity who was also sailing by, but Vanity offered the same answer. "I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by, so Love asked, "Sadness, take me along with you." "Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!", sadness said in a gloomy voice.

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so preoccupied with her happiness that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you."

It was an elder with a tattered head scarf. An overjoyed Love jumped into the boat. When they arrived at a dry land, the elder went her own way.  Love looked around and saw the Knowledge who was the first to have landed there a while ago.

"Who Helped me?" Love asked. "It was Time," Knowledge answered. "Time? Why time?" Love was surprised.

"Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is." The Knowledge smiled.

the future: career/vocation

Is scary...because its unknown. I wonder daily what am I going to do with the rest of my life? What will I choose to do with the time I have? What will I do that's worthwhile? How will I impact others and the world? Where am I going to end up? All these anxieties make it difficult for me to be positive and hopeful for the future. I'm impatient and just wish all these answers would come to me in a flash, some divine inspiration that would hit me out of the blue. I hate not knowing things, and not knowing what I'm going to do with the rest of my life is the worst kind of torture for me. When things get overwhelming I just have to stop and give it all to God. He takes my anxieties and gives me peace. I trust in him and have faith in his plan for my future for a while but I go back to worrying after a while. Sometimes I think I've found it, found what my calling is, my vocation. But nothing is certain and nothing has made me felt like that's definitely God's plan for my life. I'm hoping college will help me figure out what I want to do but I also want to figure out as soon as possible so I don't waste to much time taking classes I don't need. There's just so much out there that catches my interest and that I think I might like doing. Another fear I have is investing in something that would not be the best vocation for me and I would waste years of my life before I figured out I should be doing something else. I'll lay down careers I've thought about with pros/cons and you'll give me input into what you think I would be good at doing.

1. English Professor
I love reading and I love literature. I love spelling and knowing the English language. I think I want to teach and learn at the same time for my career and being a professor definitely entails both.
 I don't like grammar at all, I don't like repetition I like exploring new things. As a teacher, repetition is a big part of the job and grammar is very important to being a professor. I just get worn out of writing sometimes, especially subjects that don't interest me very much. There's a ton of writing involved in English, maybe more than I can handle having, especially in Grad school. I don't like the idea of sitting behind a desk and grading stacks of papers. Its just not in my nature, I feel like part of my job has to be adventurous or I'll grow weary of it quick.

2. Private Counselor

I love to help people and learn from them at the same time. I love the interaction and the connection. I love having deep one on one conversations with people and always feel satisfied and that I learned something coming out of such conversations. I love to know things, I like to know drama (but not be in it haha).
I'm not very good with patience so I'm sure many of my clients would severely test my limits. I like talking to people I feel are on my level or higher but its hard for me to have many good talks with other people. Definitely a character flaw and one that I know I would have to get over in order to pursue this career. Sometimes I can be judgmental with people and if I feel like they ignore my advice or don't listen I can easily move on and give up on them which cannot happen in this field.

3. Missionary
I love the idea of adventure as a career. Like I said earlier I love teaching and learning and that's a big part of what being a missionary entails. Teaching and learning about God and interacting with other fervent believers definitely appeals very much to me and makes me excited. Going to Africa and seeing how believers over their view and act out their faith definitely helped me see this as a possibility for me. I think it would be good for me and my spiritual life to be away from America and all its distractions for a long period in order to grow in my spiritual relationship with God. I would also love to physically get involved with helping other people in Africa or wherever I went if I became a missionary.
It would be really hard being away from my family and friends who I've grown up my whole life. I've always lived in the same place and heavily relied on my parents and mentors for guidance and it would be like placing myself in a boat alone to cross the ocean. I am very aware of the need for strong spiritual relationship with God and maturity of which I don't think I have now but I think I could grow into with time. Its definitely a career that you need to have a clear calling from God to go to and I don't think I've had it yet. Its not an easy life being a missionary and burning out is definitely a big concern. I don't want to lose my fire, desire, or faith while being a missionary. I wouldn't want to disappoint Quaker or any other church supporting me and counting on me to help and convert believers.

So that is my thoughts so far on career options and pros/cons. I'm sure more options will bring themselves to m attention and I will add them into my list of prayerful considerations. Please keep me in your prayers and ask God to reveal himself to me and give me guidance.