The discovery of my calling

       I'm a writer. I can't deny it any longer. Time to put the lies, doubts, and excuses away. I have purpose, I have meaning. I have found my calling, my passion. I have found my home. I know what God has called me to do.
      The beauty in that statement and the joy it fills me with sets my body quivering with excitement. I know the journey ahead is full of hardship and loneliness. But am I not already lonely? Did I not feel purposeless before. I prayed to God for him to show me the way, and he has done that in a clear way that I cannot deny. I am filled with gratefulness and awe at the mighty plan of God. He knows me, he has always known me. He set a path before me before I was formed in the womb. He called me to this. The events of my past, the suffering I have faced, all led me to this point of discovery and revelation.
      I'm a blue monkey in a brown monkey world. I don't care about the external. I care about the inside. I care about stories. I care about people. I care about love. I'm tired of hiding, of not being genuine, of not being myself. That is the old me. I don't care how weird and different I seem. Jesus was misunderstood. Jesus was mocked, beaten. Jesus was crucified and rejected. Yet he stood firm. He knew his purpose. He proclaimed the truth, he did not shy away from his destiny. He spoke truth to the doubts, the lies in his head told to him by the devil. And so shall I strive to do the rest of my days.
      I want to live with purpose, with intention. I want to leave something when I die of value. A legacy I can be proud of so that when I get to heaven God will look me in the eye and say, "well done, good and faithful servant." God gives us all talents. If we do not use these talents then we are being disobedient to him. I'm tired of feeling guilty for disobeying him. Time to face the truth, ask Aslan to scrape off my false self. It's time to embrace the true me in rebirth. Time to start anew washed clean by the blood of the lamb. No more scars and no more burden. I know I will forget. Life is a series of remembering and forgetting. I know I will go through the shadow of death. But God will be with me. Sometimes the world will seem so bad that there is no good in it, but the sun will come out and shine out the clearer.
      Thank you God that that day is now. Thank you for helping me to recognize it. Thank you for setting me free. Please help me to die to myself every day and follow you. May I walk daily in my purpose and follow your footsteps. Carry me when I no longer have the strength. Thank you for your unfailing grace and love. In your name I pray, Amen.